Honest Communication is the Key
Her first words to me were, “I don’t know what happened. We were the best of friends.” She said that they talked about everything. That’s why him just up and leaving was so confusing. She had never even known that he was unhappy. All she wanted was her friend back.
It didn’t feel good explain to her that she had lost a friend but he didn’t. If he was the friend she thought he was, not only would she have know what was wrong he would have given her a chance to fix it. The mere fact that there was something so off between them that he would simply walk away says so much. The question is what else didn’t she hear?
You Have to Listen to Hear
She was in a relationship with a man who allowed his actions to speak for him. While her communication was verbal, his was non-verbal. She thought they had the perfect marriage. Although, she had to tell him coming in at four and five o’clock in the morning was unacceptable. At the same time she would go hours without talking to him, because he didn’t answer his phone when she called. If this wasn’t him saying something was wrong, I don’t know what is.
The more we talked, the more she realized she missed so much. She would do most of the talking, so she felt as they were connecting. What she didn’t see was he wasn’t opening up. He listened enough for her to feel close to him, and at the same time stayed quiet enough to remain distant. This is why he was able to leave like it was nothing. She was his friend, but he wasn’t hers.
The key is to quiet down and listen. See if your partner is sharing as much as you, or if any at all. Ask questions if you feel they are too quiet. And make sure if nothing else, you pay extra attention to their actions. Remember actions will speak even when your mouth is shut. Keep in mind most of us share more as we feel closer and safer with someone. If you’re not receiving that from your mate there is definitely a problem.
Most men are taught not to share. It takes a special woman to get us to open up and even then there are moments when we still shut down. As men, we need security. Something as simple as you telling a friend or family member something he said in private can rob him of that safety. Ultimately he completely shuts down and becomes a distant stranger.
The thing to remember is honest communication is key. It is the foundation of any relationship, and without it you have nothing. Take time to make sure Y’ALL are friends and it’s not just one-sided. If y’all aren’t friends be prepared for someone to find a friend somewhere else.