The Disposable Man

Why We All End Up Losing

There is a great debate taking place as we speak. Men are now feeling as if they are being undervalued. They are complaining because women are going after higher earners, or as they are putting it higher value men. As the men are expressing themselves, the women are saying now y’all finally see how they have felt forever. My question is who’s right. 

I have heard woman talk about how men have left them for finer, slimmer, prettier, even more financially stable women. And they just had to deal with it. The consensus is men have always had the option to upgrade their women without any criticism, whenever they felt like. As ladies have become more self-sufficient and independent, not only can they afford to provide what they need, they can also afford to choose the man they want. This has left a lot of men in their feelings. 

If we are being honest, men are currently becoming victims of the standard they set. It is no secret that most of us use what we can do financially to get women. Now that she wants the man who can give her the most, she is everything from a gold digger to a prostitute. Though I understand why they would see it like that, it’s extremely hypocritical. It isn’t a problem when you’re benefiting from it. 

On the other side of the coin, women are defending their right to choose what and who is best for them. What’s good for the goose should be good for the gander. Now that they are in position men can’t get mad. Look at the men all in their feelings now. 

For years men have had their cake, cookies, and ice cream while man women accepted it. Now the women and their minds have changed. If he is going to be out here living his best life, she will too. Now if she gotta take his BS she is going to get something out of it. It’s either going to be money or sex and if she is lucky, it will be both. 

Now I’m not saying that women who feel like this are right or wrong. I will say I understand. The thing is most of them are looking at time wasted with men who they loved that left them with nothing but headaches and heartaches. She had given him her all and she has nothing to show for it. All that time being a good woman to him. But he didn’t even appreciate it. 

The truth is many men have missed out on good women looking at the superficial. Now those same women have to realize they are setting themselves up for the same failure. We can’t ignore that there are good men out here who want a good women. The same way a broken man may have missed out on you, you might miss out on your good man. 

There are so many different ways to look at this. One of the ways is many of the things we have been given about relationships were handed down by men who were extremely dysfunctional. Most of them were limited in emotional intelligence, that’s if they had any at all. For many of them what they could provide financially was what made them Real Men. 

Times have changed, and we are becoming more emotionally aware. Men are beginning to understand providing is not just about money. As a provider I have to make sure you are abundantly receiving love and security. A woman should know that she is not disposable either. She can’t wonder if she will be traded in the next time your favorite Instagram model slides in your dm. 

At the same time, we are growing and learning who we need to be as men. The same way we have taught the dysfunction, we have to redefine what makes us valuable as a man. We can’t be mad when they are choosing “high value men” until we show them a new version of what high value is. Unfortunately, it takes us longer to fix it than it did to break it. 

As a man who understands what it means to be emotionally intelligent, I understand why many of us are upset. What I will say is you have to be as mad with us as you are with the women, because they are still looking for the woman that looks the best to them. As long as it’s like that you have to respect her to decision to choose the man who can do the most for her. But what I want men and women to know is as long as we keep functioning like this, in the end we will all lose. There is no amount of money or fine that can replace someone that truly loves you. 

3 thoughts on “Women Are Looking for High Value Men”
  1. I’m new to this 504 thing and I must say this article is very poorly written, overall. However, to the content, I would disagree with the concept that “what’s good for the goose…”, men have left women for centuries for other women, often trading the “older” for a “newer” one. However, not all men think this is just fine and many of us have never supported this as a way of life or as morally acceptable. Please don’t write as though we are all the same, that smacks of bias and presumption. I’ve been married for 32 years, have some means, and yet, have ZERO intention of ever trading my wife for a new model. By the way, in the past, if a man did leave his wife for another woman, the courts were VERY SEVERE in their treatment of the man and usually made him pay spousal support for life, which likely means the man does not end up with all the financial resources to keep the new woman in diamonds and jewels. Therefore, the new woman might feel short changed after all.

    1. I disagree. The article is a great read. I look forward to the Love Dr. articles and want more. And you seem to live in a shell. 50% of marriages end in divorce. Many for the reasons in the article. I didnt read it to say all men, but it is talking about the ones who do leave for upgrades.
      So if the court punishment was such a deterrent as you say, then why do all these marriages end. ANd many people just split up and never file the paperwork so more than 50% of marriages end. Marc you are just one example. Most people are differnt from you!

  2. I agree with the first reply, this article is poorly written. The language, title/theme, goal/objective of article is lost. It cites none of the poli socio econo historical factors that impact/influence in particular African American relationships, even our individual behavior as men and women. A few books to read; Dr. Dianne Stewart; America’s War; Staples; Black Family, Perry Rashard; Black Love Matters, Dr. Frances Cress Welsing; Isis Papers. I’m not sure sometimes if we aren’t professionally trained in our fields/jobs, or we writing/speaking quick fixes/ad libs, without really purposefully or not addressing the deeper real issues. This article desperately needs a rewrite by another another or a dual team-woman and a man. Note: black women been married 14 years to amazing black man…..neither him or me have any intent of “trading up”. And all the men in our circles are al in long term black love marriages, these behaviors described here are foreign to me/us.

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