Avoiding five habits that sabotage you.
Diane Dreher Ph.D.
While many people begin each year setting goals to improve their lives, too many of us are sabotaged by unproductive habits that give away our power.
In my coaching practice, I help people recognize such habits, common roadblocks on the path to progress that include:
- Chronic complaining: whining wastes our time and energy. If we spend all our time complaining, we’re not doing anything about the problem.
- Letting others judge us: reacting to flattery or guilt manipulation, trying to live up to their expectations instead of our own.
- Resentment: letting other people’s hurtful behavior colonize our consciousness. Feeling hurt and disappointed is normal, but dwelling on the hurtful action only injures ourselves.
- Rumination: filling our brains with endless worry, going around and around in endless “worse case” scenarios, without doing anything about the problem.
- Blaming others: if it’s “their fault,” and we see ourselves as victims, then “they” are in control.
Do any of these habits sound familiar? All of them involve an external locus of control (LOC)—an underlying belief that externals–fate or powerful others–determine what happens in our lives.
An external LOC not only sabotages our progress, it’s hazardous to our health. Research has associated an external LOC with poor mental and physical health, passivity, anxiety, depression, and learned helplessness (Burger, 1984; Hahn, 2000; Peterson, 1979; Peterson & Stunkard, 1989). My colleagues and I have found that college students with an external LOC are more emotionally immature and have lower levels of hope and optimism than their peers (Dreher, Feldman, & Numan, 2014).
Stanford psychologist Albert Bandura has found that a sense of self-efficacy, a belief in our ability to exercise personal control and shape our destinies makes a major difference in our lives. Our level of self-efficacy determines how much effort we put forth to reach our goals, how long we persevere, how well we deal with obstacles, and what level of accomplishment we achieve (Bandura, 1997).
So if you find yourself falling back into chronic complaining or other unproductive habits, STOP. Shift your perspective. Affirm your self-efficacy by asking yourself, “What can I do to make a difference?”
Jeff Thomas
Publisher • Opinion Columnist • Licensed General Contractor • Real Estate Appraiser • New Orleans
Jeff Thomas is the publisher of Black Source Media and one of New Orleans’ most direct voices on civic affairs, economic justice, and Louisiana politics. He writes from the intersection of experience and accountability — as a licensed general contractor,a tech company founder and executive with over 30 years experience, and a businessman who has worked across the city’s civic, media, and construction ecosystems for decades.
His Sunday column covers Louisiana legislative politics, insurance discrimination, housing policy, and the forces shaping Black community life in New Orleans and across the state. Thomas writes in the tradition of Black journalists who hold power accountable without apology — building arguments from data, delivering verdicts from evidence, and speaking to Black New Orleans with the directness the moment demands.
He is also the principal of Executive Appraisers Louisiana, an MBE-certified real estate appraisal firm, and EA Inspection Services, LLC, a government inspection services company. Black Source Media is his platform for the civic conversation New Orleans has needed and too rarely had.
Selected Articles by Jeff Thomas
Black Neighborhoods Pay the Highest Insurance Rates in Louisiana. Here’s What They Don’t Want You to Know.
They Didn’t Yell the N-Word. They Went to Law School, Bided Their Time, and Rewrote the Constitution Instead.
Vappie vs. Morrell: Why Does Justice Look Different in New Orleans?
The State Has the Money. New Orleans East Just Needs Them to Use It.
The Failure of Mitch Landrieu
Publisher — Black Source Media
Jeff Thomas
Publisher • Opinion Columnist • Licensed General Contractor • Real Estate Appraiser • New Orleans
Jeff Thomas is the publisher of Black Source Media and one of New Orleans’ most direct voices on civic affairs, economic justice, and Louisiana politics. He writes from the intersection of experience and accountability — as a licensed general contractor,a tech company founder and executive with over 30 years experience, and a businessman who has worked across the city’s civic, media, and construction ecosystems for decades.
His Sunday column covers Louisiana legislative politics, insurance discrimination, housing policy, and the forces shaping Black community life in New Orleans and across the state. Thomas writes in the tradition of Black journalists who hold power accountable without apology — building arguments from data, delivering verdicts from evidence, and speaking to Black New Orleans with the directness the moment demands.
He is also the principal of Executive Appraisers Louisiana, an MBE-certified real estate appraisal firm, and EA Inspection Services, LLC, a government inspection services company. Black Source Media is his platform for the civic conversation New Orleans has needed and too rarely had.
Selected Articles by Jeff Thomas
Black Neighborhoods Pay the Highest Insurance Rates in Louisiana. Here’s What They Don’t Want You to Know.
They Didn’t Yell the N-Word. They Went to Law School, Bided Their Time, and Rewrote the Constitution Instead.
Vappie vs. Morrell: Why Does Justice Look Different in New Orleans?
The State Has the Money. New Orleans East Just Needs Them to Use It.
The Failure of Mitch Landrieu