—and No, ‘Manliness’ Isn’t One of Them
You may be surprised by what women *really* want in a man.
By Lisa Jones and Ross McCammon
A good man is brave, right? And strong? And chivalrous? He can replace a ball valve with a gate valve in a plumbing line, right? (That’s not a metaphor, by the way.)
Turns out, if you ask women, none of that ranks very high.
Recent online surveys of more than 1,000 women between the ages of 21 and 54 (one was conducted by Princeton, New Jersey’s opinion Research Corporation; the other was done on BestLifeOnline.com) found that women value personality far more than physical attractiveness. What women want in a man is faithfulness and dependability, a sense of humor, the ability to listen, and a sense of style. Only 13 percent of women cited muscular build as a factor in physical attractiveness. On the other hand, 66 percent of women said moral integrity will “make me quiver.”
(Quivering is good.)
Here are the top 20 qualities of a good man, divided by category:
Character traits: Faithfulness, dependability, kindness (67 percent of women said they find it a turn-on), moral integrity, fatherliness (defined as patience and caring and desire to be a dad).
Personality traits: Sense of humor, intelligence, passion (not the sexual kind, but an active enthusiasm in a pursuit), confidence, generosity.
Practical skills: Listening (53 percent), romancing, being good in bed, cooking and cleaning, earning potential.
Physical attributes: Sense of style, handsomeness, height, muscular build (13 percent), fitness (only 12 percent)
It can all seem a little daunting. To be a good man, I need to be funny and dependable and I have to listen?
Well, yeah, actually. But, fortunately, none of those requires being a manly man. It just requires being… well, cool. In the attitudinal sense. It requires self-possession. Turns out that women think being in control of your energies and appropriately channeling them is the path to greatness. Calmness may be the right move in one situation. Totally freaking out may be the right move in another. But you can be self-possessed while exhibiting either of those qualities.
You can be self-possessed no matter your personality type, too. Ryan Gosling is self-possessed. So is Steve Martin. So is Steve Carell. So is BoJack Horseman (mostly). The Rock is self-possessed. So is Timothée Chalamet. It just takes a lot of self-awareness and the right balance of action and restraint. You can be as self-possessed at your son’s baseball game as you can be at a meeting as you can be in the grocery-store checkout line or on a date.
Jeff Thomas
Publisher • Opinion Columnist • New Orleans
Jeff Thomas is the publisher of Black Source Media and one of New Orleans’ most direct voices on civic affairs, economic justice, and Louisiana politics. He writes from the intersection of experience and accountability — as a licensed general contractor,a tech company founder and executive with over 30 years experience, and a businessman who has worked across the city’s civic, media, and construction ecosystems for decades.
His Sunday column covers Louisiana legislative politics, insurance discrimination, housing policy, and the forces shaping Black community life in New Orleans and across the state. Thomas writes in the tradition of Black journalists who hold power accountable without apology — building arguments from data, delivering verdicts from evidence, and speaking to Black New Orleans with the directness the moment demands.
He is also the principal of EA Inspection Services, LLC, a government inspection services company. Black Source Media is his platform for the civic conversation New Orleans has needed and too rarely had.
Selected Articles by Jeff Thomas
Black Neighborhoods Pay the Highest Insurance Rates in Louisiana. Here’s What They Don’t Want You to Know.
They Didn’t Yell the N-Word. They Went to Law School, Bided Their Time, and Rewrote the Constitution Instead.
Vappie vs. Morrell: Why Does Justice Look Different in New Orleans?
The State Has the Money. New Orleans East Just Needs Them to Use It.
The Failure of Mitch Landrieu
- Louisiana’s Insurance Crisis Is Destroying Black Wealth. - June 6, 2026
- Black Men’s Health 2026: Are You Strong Enough to Fight Back? - June 3, 2026
- Black In America?You are Political Not Human - May 31, 2026
Publisher — Black Source Media
Jeff Thomas
Publisher • Opinion Columnist • New Orleans
Jeff Thomas is the publisher of Black Source Media and one of New Orleans’ most direct voices on civic affairs, economic justice, and Louisiana politics. He writes from the intersection of experience and accountability — as a licensed general contractor,a tech company founder and executive with over 30 years experience, and a businessman who has worked across the city’s civic, media, and construction ecosystems for decades.
His Sunday column covers Louisiana legislative politics, insurance discrimination, housing policy, and the forces shaping Black community life in New Orleans and across the state. Thomas writes in the tradition of Black journalists who hold power accountable without apology — building arguments from data, delivering verdicts from evidence, and speaking to Black New Orleans with the directness the moment demands.
He is also the principal of EA Inspection Services, LLC, a government inspection services company. Black Source Media is his platform for the civic conversation New Orleans has needed and too rarely had.
Selected Articles by Jeff Thomas
Black Neighborhoods Pay the Highest Insurance Rates in Louisiana. Here’s What They Don’t Want You to Know.
They Didn’t Yell the N-Word. They Went to Law School, Bided Their Time, and Rewrote the Constitution Instead.
Vappie vs. Morrell: Why Does Justice Look Different in New Orleans?
The State Has the Money. New Orleans East Just Needs Them to Use It.
The Failure of Mitch Landrieu