Let Us Count The Ways
They love him because he’s honest, even when he lies. They love him because he keeps his promises, even when he doesn’t. They love him because he says what they’re thinking, even when it’s something that shouldn’t be thought. They love him because he’s real, even when he’s acting.
They love him because he’s not Obama, or George Bush, or Mitt Romney, or Hilary Clinton. And they love him because he’s not every other politician. These politicians only flooded them with thoughts, prayers, beer summits, and other cliched postures and performances. They love him because he’s not a platitude in a suit. They love him because he’s not a carefully scripted persona. They love him because when he speaks it’s like he’s downloading whatever comes to his mind into the microphone. They love him because he’s off the cuff. They love him because he’s candid. They love him because he’s crazy enough to be himself.
Why Is Trump So Beloved?
They love him because he stands up for white people, even in these times of white guilt. They love him because he understands it’s still their country, even though they’re not supposed to be entertaining the thought. They love him because he had the balls to say Mexico would pay for the wall, even though it didn’t work out. They love him because he’s not afraid to call a black man a thug, even though it’s a racist stereotype.
They love him because he deployed the National Guard on George Floyd protesters, even though it was an authoritarian use of force. They love him because he wanted to ban Muslims, even though it was xenophobic. They love him because he chalked one of Megyn Kelly’s questions up to her being on her period, even though it was sexist to do so.
They love him because he’s been indicted 4 times and faces 91 charges, proof to them that he’s a threat to a system that’s corrupt. They love him because in the face of all that he’s threatened judges, clerks, and whoever else he sees fit, proof to them that he doesn’t give a you-know-what. They love him because he kept classified documents stacked near his toilet, and vows to run the country from prison if necessary, proof to them that he’ll forever do things his way. They love him because he’s their validation.
We Count the Ways
They love him because he’s not afraid to admit that if you’re a star some women will let you do whatever you want, like grab them by the vagina. They love him because he’s not afraid to take them for granted: “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn’t lose any voters, Ok.” They love him because he’s not afraid to throw Hilary Clinton in jail, for anything, literally, like wearing one too many pantsuits.
Related: Trump is Super Stupid
They love him for the racist, sexist, lying, corrupt, hypocritical, opportunistic, wholly original, breath of fresh air to the political scene that he is. They love him because we hate him, and the more we hate him, the more they love him. They love him. They love him. They love him. No bother counting the ways. Just go to the polls and make sure his ass never gets back in office.