I’m so woke. I’m woker than woke. You wanna know what woke is? Gimme 10 seconds and a dollar. I’ll tell ya. Woke: a bunch of black people who wanna turn kids against white people. Crazy, right? I mean, I be goddamned if white people ain’t been the sliced bread of Homo Sapiens. But noooo, these woke people want a world where Raheem walks around thinking Josh is inherently racist or privileged. Nope. All we ever tried to do as a people is do what’s right and make the human race better.

Take Rosa Parks. We wanted to elevate Rosa. Make her a national example. But the woke wanted to keep her parked in some marginal civil rights movement. That ain’t Rosa. That ain’t her essence. Yeah, she was black. Ain’t no doubting that. But her struggle was bigger than that. Ain’t yo feet ever hurt. Mine has. And when they hurt, whatcha wanna do? Sit down, right? I know I do. Let somebody try to tell me different. And that’s what Rosa did. She sat down when other people tried to make her stand up. That’s the essence. That’s what kids of all races can relate to. The right for people to sit where they wanna sit. You know, freedom, America. Put in a textbook.

But nooooooo, the woke crowd pitched a fit. They’d rather use Rosa to divide us, talking bout colored sections, and segregation, and voting, and lunch counters, and fire hoses and other stuff that happened 6 generations ago. Division. I say let’s use history to bring us together not push us apart. See what I mean, woker than woke.

All these woke books, too. Just repugnant. Ban’em. The Bluest Eye. Literary achievement my ass. White people ain’t make her ugly. And all that rape and racism and blaming white people for their problems. Why? Because they wound up having to work for them? Nah. Our kids don’t need to read none of that.

A Message From The Anti-Woke

You know who had it right? Paul Murdaugh, son of that dude Alex who was just on trial for murder. Right before Paul slapped his girlfriend and crashed his boat, he told her, you know what the worst thing in the world is, your daddy not being able to provide for your family. Bootstraps, people. Pull’em up. That’s the kind of lessons we need in books.

But nooooo, they wanna introduce our kids to a Bluest Eye woke world where Cholly raped Pecola because of institutional racism. A world where Pecola dreamed of having blue eyes because white people made her feel that her black eyes weren’t good enough.  As Radburn told Solomon in 12 Years a Slave right after they kidnapped him, rags and tatters, rags and tatters. The past that the woke crowd is holding onto ain’t nothing but rags and tatters. See what I mean, woker than woke.

God bless Gov. Ron DeSantis. He got the balls of a bull. I’m not gay, but if ever… Ain’t no woke in his state of Florida. That Stop WOKE Act — genius in all of its purity. Try to teach CRT in schools. Nope. Get that outta here, woke. Try to force some reparational, inherently racist,1619 version of an AP history course on our kids. Nope. Get that outta here, woke. Same to businesses that wanna hold woke training sessions for their employees. Nope, nope, and nope. DeSantis had it right. F the judge and his ruling that messed it all up. God damn Obama appointee.

A Message From The Anti-Woke

We gotta stop these woke people, people. I got all kinds of black friends. And my black friends got all kinds of white friends. Slavery was a whole Fred Fliinstone ago. The only history that matters is the one that teaches the true essence of our country — Rosa Parks fighting for the right of all people to have an equal seat, a civil war fought over all lives being equal under the Lord and law, George Washington the honest founding father man who did in fact chop down a cherry tree.

Let’s unite and uplift our kids by focusing on this country’s true essence. It’s happening. Stop WOKE Acts are popping up from state to state. People are starting to realize that this is what should be enforced in our schools, even if we gotta use big government to do it. Let’s get out there with’em. Let’s start a War on Woke.

A Message From The Anti-Woke

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