Democrats search while Trump Triumphs

By Kenneth Cooper

On Biden without Barack:

So, you’re in Gotham, and word on the street is that The Joker is on the loose, tearing up the town. You run to the roof and throw up the bat signal. But Alfred calls. “I’m sorry,” he says, “Batman is out of town, but I can send over Robin instead.” You look up at the signal, shining bright in the sky, calling for what was once illustrious. “Nah, that’s okay,” you say, and hang up the phone. “I’ll just lock my doors instead.”

In a presidential election, to beat a star, you have to be a star or become one of equal or greater magnitude. Trump is a star, and the Democrats have done a great job of fielding a group of would-be VPs and cabinet members, but they have yet to field or develop a star.

On the one-dimensionality of Warren and Sanders:

In particular, it’s the corners of the mouths and cheekbones. They seem incapable of an upward turn, slouching always towards the chin and ground- subjected to a gravitational tug of perpetual proportions. Here Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders speak, and the effect is a guttural monotone. In other words, put them in front of a camera or a microphone, and they can project an endless number of frowns, but not one smile. “Hey, Bernie, why you screaming at me?” – Michael J. Fox last week at a campaign rally.

Uncle Joe and Da Billionaire

Apparently, Joe Biden’s campaign strategy is to bomb interviews, tank the early caucus and primary, then wait for black people to bail him out, starting in South Carolina. Possibly, former Mayor Bloomberg will eventually stop frisking around and unveil the reparational ramifications of his would-be presidency: On day one of my presidency, I’ll free all those black people I once helped throw in jail.

How low Trump will go to defeat Pete Buttigieg?

Fall 2020, campaign rally, Trump at the podium railing, crowd in full swoon: Believe me, he looks them over and says, “Nobody’s a bigger fan of Mayor Pete’s marriage than me. But many people are saying that’s not milk on his chin and mustache.”

A word from Rush Limbaugh

“They’re sitting there and they’re looking at Mayor Pete — a 37-year-old gay guy, mayor of South Bend, loves to kiss his husband on the debate stage. And they’re saying, okay, how’s this going to look, a 37-year-old gay guy kissing his husband onstage next to Mr. Man Donald Trump? What’s going to happen there?” – Trump allies take aim at Buttigieg’s sexuality, a possible sign of things to come – Washington Post 2/13/2020

Meanwhile Trump takes a vindication lap.

In one month he was acquitted, gave the Medal of Freedom to Rush Limbaugh, drove Nancy Pelosi to rip up the State of The Union speech, got to point his finger at two of his accusers and say, “You’re fired,” got Roger Stone’s sentence recommendation reduced, and declared the Coronavirus dead come April. The Darkside hasn’t rolled that hard since Darth Vader chopped Luke Skywalker’s arm off in The Empire Strikes Back.  Yes, we’re “stuck in Trumpland watching subtlety decayin’” – “Veins” by Earl Sweatshirt

So, to be clear, Michael Bloomberg is a Republican turned Democrat, Bernie Sanders is an Independent turned Democratic Socialist, Elizabeth Warren is a Cherokee turned white woman, and Joe Biden can’t eloquently turn a phrase? No wonder the DNC is still holding debates on Friday nights. Last election, you could say it was to hide Hillary’s less than charming personality. This election though, it’s to hide the whole field apparently, and prove that it’s not a losing strategy unless it fails twice.

After the Iowa caucus counting debacle, it’s the party responsible for the broken app versus the party responsible for the broken presidency.  One can’t guarantee a fair counting of democracy and the other can’t guarantee a president that will be accountable to it. And on that note, that’s all folks, as the great Bugs Bunny would say.

 You have a happy time of celebrating this day we honor the presidency.