A disclaimer: the following paragraphs can be put in a bag, shaken, stirred, and then read in any random order.* Okay, let’s proceed. Because maybe the DOJ Should Not Have Gone Into Trump’s Beautiful Home.
Maybe Trump had Obama’s long form birth certificate stashed at Mar-a-Largo. There somewhere in the depths of his beautiful home (his words) lay absolute proof that showed once and for all that Obama was actually born in Kenya, and not Hawaii. Thereby Obama should be declared an illegitimate president, as Trump had said all along.
Maybe Trump had the 30,000 emails Hillary Clinton deleted from her server stashed at Mar-a-Largo. There somewhere in the depths of his beautiful home (his words) lay absolute proof that showed once and for all that the Clinton Foundation was just a front to fund the pedophile ring she and Bill were running out of a D.C. pizza parlor.
Related: What is Mar-a Lago
Because surely, surely the DOJ didn’t make a big show of raiding this man’s beautiful home (his words) to collect some documents they already knew or suspected he had for months in advance. One would imagine that if you spent months negotiating to collect the said documents, then that would kinda mean that removing those documents, top secret or not, from his possession was not a matter of imminent concern.
Maybe Trump had secret documentation about Entergy’s Grand Gulf Nuclear Station stashed at Mar-a-Largo. There somewhere in the depths of his beautiful home (his words) lay proof that once and for all showed that nothing is or has ever been wrong with the plant. But that Entergy sabotages it on purpose to fleece millions of dollars from customers.
Maybe Trump had top secret info on the S&WB’s turbines 4 and 5 stashed at Mar-a-Largo. There somewhere in the depths of his beautiful home (his words) lay proof that showed once and for all that these turbines at one point possessed dirt on all past, present, and future politicians. Why else would generations of city leaders have allowed these turbines to subject citizens to explosions, showers of oil, deafening decibels of noise, constant pump failures and street flooding if the turbines didn’t have all kinds of compromising pictures and videos?
Related: World Leaders Shocked by Trump
Because surely, surely the DOJ didn’t make a big show of raiding this man’s beautiful home (his words) only to deliver a 3rd straight nothing-burger to the citizens who are ready to see him finally thrown in jail. Examples: 1) Russia-gate. The accusation: Trump and his team colluded and conspired with Russians to steal the 2016 presidential election. The result after two years of investigating: two arrests that had noting to do with collusion, or conspiracy. 2) January 6th commission. The accusation: Trump knew he legitimately lost the election. Knowing this, he still tried to have the results overturned anyway. And that he then riled up a mob and convinced them to storm the Capitol. The result after two weeks of televised hearings has equaled nothing of legal consequence for Trump so far. And now, now there’s Mar-a-Largo.
Maybe Trump had Hunter Biden’s other laptop stashed at Mar-a-Largo. There in the depths of his beautiful home (his words), next to Hunter’s favorite crack pipe, lay absolute proof that the Bidens are just as big a crime syndicate as the Clintons. Except that instead of peddling in national pedophilia, the Bidens delve into international things like shaking down foreign leaders and prosecutors.
The DOJ Should Not Have Gone Into Trump’s Beautiful Home
Maybe Trump had…well to be brief, here’s a list of things Trump could’ve had stashed at his beautiful home (his words) – the juicy parts of the Smart Cities documentation that Mayor Cantrell is withholding from the City Council, the audio of Roger Goodell instantly telling the ref via earpiece not to throw the flag for pass interference that denied the Saints another Super Bowl, his (Trump’s) 4th grade IQ score confirming that he is indeed an epic idiot and not the stable genius he claims to be (side note: studies have shown that by the 4th grade one can determine which kids are more likely to go down the school to prison pipeline.
If this is true, and if Trump is hiding compromising test scores, we can only assume that the only thing that helped him avoid his fate was generational wealth that privilege often denied but known to exist, the unedited photos of Beyoncé straddling that holographic horse on her new album cover. Maybe.
Because surely, surely, the DOJ wouldn’t display such a big show of force by raiding a former president’s beautiful home (his words) only to enforce the equivalent of having too many unreturned books on a library card. Because surely, surely, mark these words: we should all have a fit when in the end THAT’S ALL THIS ACTUALLY COMES DOWN TO.**
*well on second thought, only the paragraphs that begin with maybe.
**I submit to have this article stashed at Mar-a-Largo in the depths of his beautiful home (my words) in the event I turn out to be wrong.