Balancing Conviction and Connection
The holidays often highlight family togetherness, which can feel painful if you’re estranged from your adult children. Missing them while standing firm in your beliefs adds another layer of difficulty. By taking small, intentional steps, you can find ways to cope and create meaning during the holidays.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings Without Judgment
You might feel sad, angry, or even regretful. Allow yourself to feel these emotions fully. Journaling or talking to a friend can help you process these feelings. It’s okay to miss your children while still believing in your side of the disagreement.
2. Revisit the Disagreement with an Open Mind
Consider the argument that caused the estrangement and reflect on it calmly. Ask yourself if there were misunderstandings or unmet expectations. Think about whether differences in communication or generational values played a role. Talk to a trusted third party for perspective if needed.
3. Focus on Self-Care and Create New Traditions
Even if your children aren’t around, you can still celebrate. Decorate your home, cook special meals, or listen to music that makes you happy. Volunteer for a cause that matters to you to find purpose and joy. Invite friends or extended family to create warmth and connection.
4. Reach Out Gently, if Possible
Consider sending a short message to your children. Wish them a happy holiday and express your love. Avoid bringing up the past or arguing about what happened. Let them know you’re open to talking when they’re ready. Even if they don’t respond, this small step can help build trust.
Relationships Section on Black Source Media
5. Talk to a Professional for Guidance
A counselor or therapist can help you handle your emotions and prepare for a possible reconciliation. Therapy can teach you better communication skills and help you set healthy boundaries. It can also provide support as you grieve the relationship in its current state.
6. Honor Your Connection with Thoughtful Gestures
Set an empty chair at your holiday table to quietly acknowledge their absence. Make a donation in their name to a cause they care about. Write a letter to express your thoughts and feelings, even if you don’t send it. These actions allow you to feel closer to your children.
7. Think About Your Future and What You Want
Picture what reconciliation looks like to you. Consider whether there’s room for compromise without giving up your core values. Reflect on how you can grow and change while staying true to yourself. A clear vision of the future can guide your actions.
8. Practice Gratitude to Lift Your Spirits
Focus on what you still have, such as good health, friendships, or accomplishments. Celebrate small moments of joy, like a kind word or a sunny day. Stay present in the moment to ease feelings of sadness or regret. Gratitude helps shift your perspective from loss to hope.
Navigating the holidays without your children is tough, but you can find ways to cope and heal. By caring for yourself, reaching out thoughtfully, and creating new traditions, you can find peace. Use this time to reflect, grow, and build a foundation for possible reconciliation in the future. Remember, the holidays are about love, hope, and connection—even in difficult times.
Jeff Thomas
Publisher • Opinion Columnist • Licensed General Contractor • Real Estate Appraiser • New Orleans
Jeff Thomas is the publisher of Black Source Media and one of New Orleans’ most direct voices on civic affairs, economic justice, and Louisiana politics. He writes from the intersection of experience and accountability — as a licensed general contractor,a tech company founder and executive with over 30 years experience, and a businessman who has worked across the city’s civic, media, and construction ecosystems for decades.
His Sunday column covers Louisiana legislative politics, insurance discrimination, housing policy, and the forces shaping Black community life in New Orleans and across the state. Thomas writes in the tradition of Black journalists who hold power accountable without apology — building arguments from data, delivering verdicts from evidence, and speaking to Black New Orleans with the directness the moment demands.
He is also the principal of Executive Appraisers Louisiana, an MBE-certified real estate appraisal firm, and EA Inspection Services, LLC, a government inspection services company. Black Source Media is his platform for the civic conversation New Orleans has needed and too rarely had.
Selected Articles by Jeff Thomas
Black Neighborhoods Pay the Highest Insurance Rates in Louisiana. Here’s What They Don’t Want You to Know.
They Didn’t Yell the N-Word. They Went to Law School, Bided Their Time, and Rewrote the Constitution Instead.
Vappie vs. Morrell: Why Does Justice Look Different in New Orleans?
The State Has the Money. New Orleans East Just Needs Them to Use It.
The Failure of Mitch Landrieu
Publisher — Black Source Media
Jeff Thomas
Publisher • Opinion Columnist • Licensed General Contractor • Real Estate Appraiser • New Orleans
Jeff Thomas is the publisher of Black Source Media and one of New Orleans’ most direct voices on civic affairs, economic justice, and Louisiana politics. He writes from the intersection of experience and accountability — as a licensed general contractor,a tech company founder and executive with over 30 years experience, and a businessman who has worked across the city’s civic, media, and construction ecosystems for decades.
His Sunday column covers Louisiana legislative politics, insurance discrimination, housing policy, and the forces shaping Black community life in New Orleans and across the state. Thomas writes in the tradition of Black journalists who hold power accountable without apology — building arguments from data, delivering verdicts from evidence, and speaking to Black New Orleans with the directness the moment demands.
He is also the principal of Executive Appraisers Louisiana, an MBE-certified real estate appraisal firm, and EA Inspection Services, LLC, a government inspection services company. Black Source Media is his platform for the civic conversation New Orleans has needed and too rarely had.
Selected Articles by Jeff Thomas
Black Neighborhoods Pay the Highest Insurance Rates in Louisiana. Here’s What They Don’t Want You to Know.
They Didn’t Yell the N-Word. They Went to Law School, Bided Their Time, and Rewrote the Constitution Instead.
Vappie vs. Morrell: Why Does Justice Look Different in New Orleans?
The State Has the Money. New Orleans East Just Needs Them to Use It.
The Failure of Mitch Landrieu