…we didn’t mean what you thought we meant when we said what we said about that power plant in The East. You heard that during power failures the plant would be capable of providing power to the city. You assumed that meant the entire city. As they say outside the boardroom, that’s your bad. What we meant was just a little sliver of the city in The East, French Quarter, and CBD. But since you made your assumption a key factor in whether this plant would be built or not, we felt, at the time, that it would be improper to correct you.

…the tower just fell over. Yep, just fell over, into the water. And the transmission lines just snapped. Seriously. That’s what happened. Neither had anything to do with us not keeping up with our distribution system. Excuse me? Yes, the city fined us a $1 million for not properly maintaining our distribution system. And yes, that was only a year and a half ago. But no, our failures and the failures of the lines and tower are totally unrelated. As we said, the lines just snapped. And the tower just fell over, into the water. Yes, that is our final answer.

…at the time we felt that all starts mattered, not just black ones. Yes, I know. We did market this plant as having black start capability. That meant that it could be started during blackouts. But we, as a company, began to find that type of language divisive and not appreciative of what all starts have to offer. So as a company, we felt it would be best for us not to participate in actions that would bring further division to the city. So, we didn’t initiate a black start after the power went out. Yes, we are aware that this caused people to suffer unnecessarily in sweltering heat for 2 days. But hey, at least we all suffered together.

…we brought joy and air conditioning to 475 homes 3 days after the storm. Yes, most of the city did still remain in darkness. But we…wait just give me a minute. I’ll come up with something. Better than total darkness right?

So we figured that any missteps on our part would be covered in one of those unproductive City Council meetings. You know the ones where council members pretend to be energy experts. Yeah those. It’s amazing. We get to show up totally unprepared. And get this, we’re rarely held accountable for it. They ask a question. And we simply reply, we’ll get back to you on that. Then the line of questioning just goes away. It’s a total show. I would be furious if I were a customer and taxpayer.

Hey it was an unprecedented storm. We did our best. We hope customers are appreciative of that when they open their bills. I mean there’s a lot of cleanup to be done. We’ve lost a lot of equipment. Most importantly though, we need to reassure our investors that Entergy remains a sound investment. And of course, we feel the best way to do that is on the backs of our customers. Try not to think of it as paying higher fees. We prefer to think of it as assisting us in asset stabilization. Yeah, I know that may be hard for some to swallow. But what’s the alternative? Not paying your bill?

I mean, didn’t we just experience life without power? Naturally, we can be reached on our customer service line to answer any questions or concerns. Due to demand, there may be extended hold and wait times. But just hang in there.

Alrighty. Whew! That was great. Hopefully, we can all do this again soon. Until then, enjoy your lights and air conditioning. And just know, here at Entergy, we strive to power life. We strive to bring power to the people. Well, those that pay their bills at least