As The Mayor Keeps Secrets, The Press Demands (Gins Up?) Outrage

With the mayor’s pick for police chief late on arrival, the city is in an uproar. Angry citizens have stormed City Hall, shouting madame Mayor, madame Mayor show us your cards. Thus far the mayor has not relented. Her finalists remain anonymous. The footage is forthcoming. But trust us when we tell you, 6 is on your side.

Emerging from the bowels of Council chambers, after reading the fine print in the charter amendment that doesn’t say, the City Council shall heretofore micromanage the mayor, Council President J.P. Morrell took to the airwaves to suggest just that. What a jewel. Graciously, the host did not press Council President Morrell on that fact, because well…you know…(Just trust us. This is totally appropriate.)

With the mayor’s pick for police chief late on arrival, and the chosen finalists remaining anonymous, we here at 6 want you to know that this is unprecedented. Yes, we know the previous mayor also kept his finalists secret. And yes, we know that the head of the NAACP and numerous community leaders walked off the previous mayor’s committee because the process seemed secretive and rigged. But this, what this mayor is doing, is unprecedented. Trust us. It really is. And oh yeah, 6 is on your side.

Mayor Keeps Secrets Then The Press Demands Answers

Meanwhile, in breaking news, it went down at the Capitol. After taking time away from tracking down Hunter Biden’s laptop and exposing the Biden international crime syndicate as the source of all the world’s woes, Senator John Kennedy, our Senator John Kennedy, beloved as he is, took to the U.S. Senate floor — to fundraise off the situation. (Trust us. This is totally appropriate.)

It was an important moment for Senator Kennedy. And he knew the occasion demanded nothing less than channeling one of the greatest orators of our time. So he dug deep and made his choice, the honorable Mr. Foghorn Leghorn.

In full Leghorn cadence and inflection, Senator Kennedy stood at the dais and admonished the mayor for not turning over the names of her finalists. All of his best zingers were out. The nadas, the nothings, the zeros, even the mighty zilch. After much verbal shucking and jiving, Kennedy capped his speech off in mockery. “Please, Mayor. Please, Mayor,” he said. “And Please, with sugar on top, call a press conference. Tell us who has applied. Tell us who didn’t make the cut.” (Trust us. It was absolutely beautiful, and appropriate.)

Skip ahead to the 10 minute mark to hear Sen Kennedy ask nicely

When asked why she won’t turn over the names of her finalists, the mayor told us at 6 and other members of the press, because y’all messy.

When asked again why she won’t turn over the names of her finalists, the mayor told us at 6 and other members of the press that for some candidates this needs to be a private process because of their present jobs.

But when asked for the third time why she won’t turn over the names of her finalists, the mayor did not throw a tantrum, or a microphone. What an unprecedented showing of maturity.

Mayor Keeps Secrets Then The Press Demands Answers

We will get those names, even though the mayor isn’t legally obligated to give them to us. By any means necessary we will get them. And when we get them, we still tear and rip them apart, and turn them over to their bossses. With all caution to the wind, us at 6 and other members of the press will stalk, pester, hound, and harass the mayor until she does what she’s not legally obligated to do, because…well you know, we’re on your side. Trust us. This is all totally appropriate.