Dirty talk and kinky sex aren’t the only things that can keep the spark alive
By Alisa Hrustic
What does she really want during sex? Men everywhere have pondered that very question at some point in their lives. Luckily, the answer will make sex better for you, too, according to a recent study from the University of Indiana’s Kinsey Institute.
After researchers surveyed more than 2,000 men and women about their sexual behaviors, they found that both men and women desire affectionate and romantic behaviors—like saying sweet things during sex, setting the mood, and kissing or cuddling more often—more than say, talking dirty, watching porn together, and getting kinky.
It’s not the first time science has backed up the importance of intimacy, particularly cuddling. In fact, cuddling after sex can be just as important to a woman’s pleasure as foreplay, according to a survey from the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada. The researchers found that cuddling boosted sexual satisfaction for men, too.
That’s because your body is flooded with oxytocin—the bonding hormone—after sex, which makes you crave more affection, Robin Milhausen, Ph.D., a professor of human sexuality at the University of Guelph told us last September.
“It’s one of the easiest things you can do to improve your relationship,” Milhausen explains. “It’s a really important, but often missed, opportunity for connection.”
So, light some candles, kiss her passionately, tell her how amazing it feels to be with her, and take the time to hold her after sex—she’ll more than likely return the favor and you’ll both enjoy making each other feel good.
Now, that’s not to say that trying new sex positions, being raunchy, using sex toys, and doing it in a new place don’t have their moments—those behaviors can still help keep the spark going when things get stagnant in bed.
Above all, use this as your excuse to talk openly with your partner about what you want during sex, suggests lead study author Debby Herbenick, Ph.D. in a press release. Together, you may find new ways of making sex even better—which will only lead to more sex in the future
Publisher — Black Source Media
Jeff Thomas
Publisher • Opinion Columnist • New Orleans
Jeff Thomas is the publisher of Black Source Media and one of New Orleans’ most direct voices on civic affairs, economic justice, and Louisiana politics. He writes from the intersection of experience and accountability — as a licensed general contractor,a tech company founder and executive with over 30 years experience, and a businessman who has worked across the city’s civic, media, and construction ecosystems for decades.
His Sunday column covers Louisiana legislative politics, insurance discrimination, housing policy, and the forces shaping Black community life in New Orleans and across the state. Thomas writes in the tradition of Black journalists who hold power accountable without apology — building arguments from data, delivering verdicts from evidence, and speaking to Black New Orleans with the directness the moment demands.
He is also the principal of EA Inspection Services, LLC, a government inspection services company. Black Source Media is his platform for the civic conversation New Orleans has needed and too rarely had.
Selected Articles by Jeff Thomas
Black Neighborhoods Pay the Highest Insurance Rates in Louisiana. Here’s What They Don’t Want You to Know.
They Didn’t Yell the N-Word. They Went to Law School, Bided Their Time, and Rewrote the Constitution Instead.
Vappie vs. Morrell: Why Does Justice Look Different in New Orleans?
The State Has the Money. New Orleans East Just Needs Them to Use It.
The Failure of Mitch Landrieu
