Clearly this isn’t going well.

Unable to convince Ukrainians that this war is about liberating them, President Vladimir Putin has resorted to bombing hospitals and apartment complexes – the hospitals and apartment complexes with people in them.

In Mariupol, a city in southeastern Ukraine, people are boiling snow and disposing of dead bodies. Wrap the bodies. Tie the limbs, and leave them on the street. That’s per the New York Times, reporting how Ukrainian officials resorted to advising citizens to treat their loved ones like garbage.

To partly justify the invasion, Putin said he was ridding Ukraine of Neo-Nazis. The Ukrainian response was, there ain’t nothing Neo-Nazi about us, player. A few days later, some of their border agents were caught forcing Africans to the back of bus lines or outright denying them access during evacuations. 

People all over the world are saying, “we stand with Ukraine.” Funny how when those Africans were being discriminated against there were no reports of Ukrainians saying they stand with them.

When Biden froze Russian assets in the U.S., the E.U. was all high-fives. This will be all over soon, they said. Just wait until the oligarchs start sweating. When Biden suggested banning Russian banks from SWIFT, an international system used to move money, the E.U. was like, awe yeah. In a minute, Putin will be moonwalking out of Ukraine faster than Michael Jackson. When Biden suggested banning all imports of Russian oil and gas, the E.U. was like, well…now wait a minute. We stand with Ukraine and all, but we don’t want to do so in the cold and dark.

Related: The Real Reason Russia Invaded Ukraine

The E.U. gets 45% of its gas from Russia and 27% of its oil. That also means that 27% of Russia’s oil sales come from the E.U., and 45% of its oil. With the E.U. phasing in a ban, this war might come down to which economy tanks first.

McDonald’s closed 850 stores in Russia last week. As a result, 62,000 Russians were left unemployed.  Shell followed suit and closed its gas stations. Correction: Shell followed suit and closed its gas stations after getting busted buying 10,000 metric tons of Russian oil at crackhead prices, a sure sign of Russian desperation. In a statement, a Shell spokesperson apologized, saying the company finds its actions deeply regrettable. No word if they feel the same way about their profits.

If the Russian ruble is now almost worth half a ruble, should it even be considered a ruble? For example, if somebody gave you 50 cents, would you ever call it a dollar? Yes, I know. That’s the wrong way to think about currency.

Word is that Russia’s credit rating is so bad it would have trouble financing a sofa right now. One has to wonder how much longer it can continue financing this war.

It took the U.S. two months to take over Afghanistan. It took another 20 years to realize it couldn’t afford to hold it. Maybe Putin should heed that cliché about history, doom, and repeating it.

If you’re wondering why the U.S. and NATO haven’t tried storming the Kremlin and dragging Putin out by his ankles, consider one number: 4,477. That’s the number of active nuclear weapons Russia has capable of wreaking worldwide havoc.

The latest chapter and verse in The Gospel of Republican is that Putin would’ve never invaded Ukraine if Trump was still in office. They’re right. He would’ve never. If Trump was still in office, he’d still be undermining NATO and making Putin feel all warm, fuzzy, and non-threatened.

As a result of the war, a gallon of gas hit all time national highs in back to back days last week. For the first time in a long time there was something rising faster than carjackings here in New Orleans. This has to be hard on the industry.  At the rate gas prices are going, they might start demanding people fill up their tanks before handing over the keys to their cars. As a matter of self-defense, maybe the city should consider providing citizens with bumper stickers that say: this MOFO ain’t got a lick of gas in it.

If you’re wondering where the Coronavirus is during all of this, it’s vacationing in Hong Kong and New Zealand.

Biden’s Ban On Russian Trade Is An Attack On Free Enterprise.

President Biden Dictates Where And With Whom Private Companies Can Invest Their Money.

 These are the missing headlines from the freedom lovers. Meanwhile, they’re still on the internet complaining about a mask.

There was a report that a Russian space official vowed to leave a U.S. citizen stranded 27,000 miles away from the earth’s surface, meaning Russia wouldn’t be giving him a ride home from a joint space station.

There was another report that said the aforementioned report was a joke, i.e. fake news. Last week, at a Republican retreat here in New Orleans, former president Trump, aka captain fake news, joked that we should slap Chinese stickers on our fighter jets and have them bomb Russia. That way the Russians and Chinese would end up warring with each other. There was not another report explaining why the aforementioned former president is still so corny.

One of Putin’s spokesmen said U.S. sanctions amount to a declaration of economic war with Russia. Somewhere, one of Biden’s spokesmen said, “duh.”

Before the war, Putin was considered a major international player. He was somebody feared and revered for his KGB type intelligence. Yeah, that was before the war.

Ukraine’s president is being lauded as a hero for sticking it out at the capitol, as if fleeing the country while citizens were being bombed to death was ever an option.

Russia’s military is 8 times bigger than Ukraine’s. Given time, it’ll eventually overwhelm the country. The U.S. and NATO have told Ukraine, we’ll provide you with arms and money. But troops are not coming. That’s a clear message that Ukraine is considered expendable.

The last word equals one thousand.