Senator Cassidy, You Can Get Up Off Your Knees Now

ByKenneth Cooper

Jan 25, 2026

You Played Both Sides—Now You’re Nobody’s Candidate

Hey, Bill Cassidy. You hear that sound?

No, that’s not the cold front blowing in. Rather, it’s the door knob, coming to hit you where your good lord split you.

Apparently, you’ve committed the mortal sin of flip-flopping. Similarly, you’ve been two-faced, trying to have it both ways. It’s like having your crawfish boiled and peeled for you.

In political terms, it’s called being unprincipled.

Busted, you’ve been caught trying to straddle both sides of the RHINO and MAGA fence. Consequently, neither side wants anything to do with you anymore. That’s left your reelection campaign in limbo. You’re stuck in a state of suspended animation with no donors to turn to.

It didn’t have to be this way.

Remember When You Actually Had a Backbone?

Remember when you were the pride of all sane people in the state? Head held high, you flew to D.C. and voted to impeach Trump for inciting a riot on January 6th. People were like, wow. Check out the big…backbone on Bill Cassidy (I said balls).

Four years later, it’s hard to tell what bent first, your knees or your backbone.

Clearly, you never imagined Trump being reelected. Nevertheless, once he weaseled his way back into office, you dropped down and prostrated yourself before his feet.

The RFK Jr. Debacle That Exposed You as a Fraud

Robert F Kennedy Jr. Remember him?

You knew this man was a vaccine denying nut. Still, you supported his loony bid for Secretary of Health and Human Services to appease Trump. At the time, you said you did so because you had Kennedy’s word. Specifically, he promised he wouldn’t dismantle the CDC’s vaccine advisory committee.

Soon after he got the position, Kennedy did just that. He dismantled it.

As the late great Aunt Esther would say, “old fish-eyed fool!” Either you got played for one or you thought we were one.

If Kennedy made you a promise, then broke it, then respect for you in D.C. is clearly lacking. Alternatively, if you lied about the promise, it shows how little respect you have for your constituents.

Either way, you are no good in office.

Trump Dumped You. Moderates Dumped You. You’re Done.

Apparently, this thought has reached a consensus.

Moderate Republicans and Democrats have checked out on you. Furthermore, Trump has endorsed another candidate, U.S. Rep Julia Letlow. In addition, a PAC associated with Kennedy has pledged $1 million towards her bid.

Even the New York Times published your political obituary in Saturday’s paper. Moreover, Governor Landry changing the state primaries from open to closed was also a move to snuff out fence straddlers like you.

All that knee bending and playing both sides, look where it’s gotten you.

As the old saying goes: If you try to be everybody’s candidate, you’ll end up being nobody’s candidate.

That’s just where you stand.

The Doorknob Is Coming for You

So good luck and farewell to you, sir.

Who knows what your future holds. Maybe you can start a podcast. Alternatively, take up residency at one of the state’s Medicaid starved hospitals. Yes, you voted for that too.

Either way, dust off your knees, and straighten your backbone.

You hear that sound?

It’s the doorknob.

Brace yourself for impact. The end is about to hit you.