What You Hear Will Surprise You
Couples often mistake being able to communicate for knowing how to talk without yelling. Yet, there is far more to improving your communication skills than simply learning how to carefully plan out your words and keeping the decibel level low. Active listening is a powerful tool that transform, you will be amazed at how much you learn about their true feelings and goals for your relationship.
Clear Out All Distractions
Relationship counselors online often request for couples to turn off any distractions in their home before they begin to talk. This is because glancing at your smartphone or shifting your focus to the television automatically makes your spouse feel unimportant. It is also vital to try to clear other thoughts out of your mind. Stop worrying about that meeting at work, and instead focus completely on your partner.
Acknowledge What Your Partner Is Saying
Listening doesn’t mean sitting there in complete silence until your partner stops talking. Yet, you also want to avoid interrupting the flow of their speech. Therefore, you should provide acknowledgement by nodding your head, saying yes or asking them to continue when they pause.
Watch Your Body Language
Learning how your nonverbal communication affects your spouse is one of the best healthy relationship tips. Many people overlook this important part of every discussion. Make eye contact with your spouse, and point your body in their direction. If you find yourself disagreeing with what your partner says, do a body check to make sure you are not giving off angry cues such as frowning or crossing your arms across your chest. Instead, stay relaxed and open so that your spouse feels encouraged to speak openly.
Resist the Urge to Pass Judgment
Interrupting your spouse destroys the purpose of having a conversation. Naturally, you may not agree with everything your spouse says. When you seek relationship counseling for couples, your counselor will often encourage you to wait until the other person is completely through before you begin to ask questions. Knowing that you will also have your chance to speak makes it easier to avoid interrupting with counterarguments when your spouse’s intentions are still not completely clear.
Reflect and Respond Accordingly
Once it is your turn to talk, you may find yourself feeling negative emotions, and it is okay to say so. However, it is best to phrase this as a question. For example, you may say that you are confused, and ask your partner to restate a specific point so that you can understand. If you have a differing opinion, then state it respectfully while remembering to treat your partner as you would like to be treated.
Active listening often reveals more about a situation than either of you is saying. For instance, you may discover that your partner is expressing anger when they are really just concerned. Alternatively, your new openness may lead to a confession about something serious such as cheating in marriage. Either way, you can find a marriage counselor online who will guide you through the stages of learning how to deepen your bond through stronger communication.
Jeff Thomas
Publisher • Opinion Columnist • Licensed General Contractor • Real Estate Appraiser • New Orleans
Jeff Thomas is the publisher of Black Source Media and one of New Orleans’ most direct voices on civic affairs, economic justice, and Louisiana politics. He writes from the intersection of experience and accountability — as a licensed general contractor,a tech company founder and executive with over 30 years experience, and a businessman who has worked across the city’s civic, media, and construction ecosystems for decades.
His Sunday column covers Louisiana legislative politics, insurance discrimination, housing policy, and the forces shaping Black community life in New Orleans and across the state. Thomas writes in the tradition of Black journalists who hold power accountable without apology — building arguments from data, delivering verdicts from evidence, and speaking to Black New Orleans with the directness the moment demands.
He is also the principal of Executive Appraisers Louisiana, an MBE-certified real estate appraisal firm, and EA Inspection Services, LLC, a government inspection services company. Black Source Media is his platform for the civic conversation New Orleans has needed and too rarely had.
Selected Articles by Jeff Thomas
Black Neighborhoods Pay the Highest Insurance Rates in Louisiana. Here’s What They Don’t Want You to Know.
They Didn’t Yell the N-Word. They Went to Law School, Bided Their Time, and Rewrote the Constitution Instead.
Vappie vs. Morrell: Why Does Justice Look Different in New Orleans?
The State Has the Money. New Orleans East Just Needs Them to Use It.
The Failure of Mitch Landrieu
Publisher — Black Source Media
Jeff Thomas
Publisher • Opinion Columnist • Licensed General Contractor • Real Estate Appraiser • New Orleans
Jeff Thomas is the publisher of Black Source Media and one of New Orleans’ most direct voices on civic affairs, economic justice, and Louisiana politics. He writes from the intersection of experience and accountability — as a licensed general contractor,a tech company founder and executive with over 30 years experience, and a businessman who has worked across the city’s civic, media, and construction ecosystems for decades.
His Sunday column covers Louisiana legislative politics, insurance discrimination, housing policy, and the forces shaping Black community life in New Orleans and across the state. Thomas writes in the tradition of Black journalists who hold power accountable without apology — building arguments from data, delivering verdicts from evidence, and speaking to Black New Orleans with the directness the moment demands.
He is also the principal of Executive Appraisers Louisiana, an MBE-certified real estate appraisal firm, and EA Inspection Services, LLC, a government inspection services company. Black Source Media is his platform for the civic conversation New Orleans has needed and too rarely had.
Selected Articles by Jeff Thomas
Black Neighborhoods Pay the Highest Insurance Rates in Louisiana. Here’s What They Don’t Want You to Know.
They Didn’t Yell the N-Word. They Went to Law School, Bided Their Time, and Rewrote the Constitution Instead.
Vappie vs. Morrell: Why Does Justice Look Different in New Orleans?
The State Has the Money. New Orleans East Just Needs Them to Use It.
The Failure of Mitch Landrieu