People, please keep your Mylar balloons on a leash in public. This really shouldn’t have to be said. Especially since doing so is quite simple. You get a leash. You place it around your wrist. And you never let the balloon float near a powerline. See. Simple. As we’ve seen, the city’s electrical system is just not equipped for that type of collision.
Of course, we know, mistakes happen. And it may come about that your balloon somehow escapes. If so you’ll be fully expected to carry out your civic duty of taking the balloon down. Louisiana is a constitutional carry state. So this shouldn’t be a problem. Simply pull out your god-given Glock or AR15, aim, then pull the trigger. And just like that — pop! The deed is done.
All Balloons Matter
Yes, I know these balloons may mean something to you. They usually serve as decorations for special occasions. But think of all those you’ll make proud by executing your duty. I’m not only thinking of God, the governor, and what’s left of the NRA. I’m also thinking of your fellow citizens.
You can rest assured knowing that you saved these poor souls from enduring a boil water advisory (like the one we had last week) or at the least, a power outage. If you’re interested in commonly decent things like that, then it applies to you.
Obviously, you can’t mention a boil water advisory without mentioning the Sewerage And Water Board. Yes, the Sewerage and Water Board, that illustrious organization seemingly dedicated to dysfunction. Recently, a few S&WB related bills from this year’s legislative session have gone into effect.
New Laws You Should Know
ACT 703 prohibits the S&WB from basing your bill on an estimate. Now a worker will have to come out and read your meter, unless you have a smart meter or signed up for a fixed rate program.
So if you receive a bill at or above say $142,000 you should do like Fred Sanford and “put it back in the mailbox.” What you will have received is clearly an estimate. And it’s not uncommon for the S&WB to correct this during the next billing cycle. This happened to the writer of this article. The correction was so great that the S&WB technically owed him money. This was evident by the account having a surplus of $65.
ACT 763 makes the S&WB responsible for all drainage in the city. I know. Reading that may have caused your heart to skip a beat and a copper-like taste to appear in your mouth. That is a sign of fear. And you can be forgiven for experiencing it even if you didn’t realize that the S&WB wasn’t already responsible.
Previously, the S&WB split drainage duties with the Dept. of Public Works. Public Works was responsible for drainage lines up to a certain depth. Then the S&WB would take over. This setup resulted in poor coordination and you parking your car on the neutral ground before a storm. But this consolidation is supposed to solve all that. We shall see. Hopefully they manage the drainage lines better than the turbines.
Related: Why Sewerage & Water Board Employees Deserve Our Respect
ACT 393 sets up an arbitration panel for disputing bills. They’ll be one for each district. So if you get a bill you don’t agree with, you can take it to the panel. The panel will act as an appeals court. If you disagree with its decision, then you can take it to the Supreme Court. The City Council will be the Supreme Court in this scenario. Yes, I know. We were told that the new smart meters were infallible. Well it’s nice to know that legislators don’t agree and have set up an extra bureaucratic panel for appeals.
The following was not written earlier, but it was clearly implied. If you happen to see a Mylar balloon that is not yours drifting perilously close to a power line, then yes you are also expected to carry out your civic duty. Okay. You can get back to your life now.